Well, tomorrow is the day that my lovely wife goes to have her tests. Please, please let it be a fibroid. It's so big that she is about the size of a woman twenty weeks pregnant. If it's not fibroids, well I guess you can guess that it isn't good. I'm trying not to think about it too much--thank god I'm still on my post partum meds! She keeps trying to get me to feel it--I just can't --what if it's something that is killing her , I don't want to remember that feeling. I also can't think about the fact that she might also loose her job b/c she will have to be off for 6-8 weeks and her organization is too small for FMLA. Not to mention that her boss is unethical enough to tell her that everything will be ok then fire her while she's out-- she's done it before. not to mention that she's cut my wife's salary by a good 6k in the last year. She repeatedly endangers our family and has us over a barrel b/c there are NO jobs out there.
I am grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life, it just feels as if everthing is in jeopardy right now. All we can do is keep moving forward. I'm hoping that this blog can help me deal with all of this--I don't want to deepen my lovely wife's fear with all this. It's frightening to see her afraid and depressed. She's always the optimistic one--never afraid going into situations and always so sure of herself. This job has ground that out of her and then this is the first time her health has been problematic (I think this is a funny word for it but it fits), and she's having a hard time rebounding. You see, I've always been the depresssed one. I had post-part.um de.pression with all three babies. Unfortunately the first time I didn't get treatment for three years (yes, three years --I was in denial) and she was my rock. I'm quickly learning how to be that for her. I just hope I can be half as good to her as she was to me.
Well, I should go the kids are climbing the walls! :)
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